On Overcoming Apathy

“Happiness lies in the joy of achievement and the thrill of creative effort.” - F.D. Roosevelt

Once in a while, more frequently than in previous years, I seem to lose my mojo. I think it is hormonal, due to my perimenopausal symptoms. I lose interest (albeit, temporarily) in anything and everything, including in my art.

Perimenopause is kicking my ass. It is a difficult life transition for me, mostly hormonally, but in other ways too. I get depressed easily, become discouraged, then apathetic, and feel simply…worn out.

The apathy is the worst. There are days that I genuinely do not care about anything or anyone. It’s an indescribable emptiness. There is no despair, no pain, no anger, no hurt, no sadness, no loneliness. Just…nothingness. It’s quite frightening, actually. But I know it is temporary, lasting at most a few days before I recover and can feel something again.

If I indulge in those feelings too long, especially if I don’t respond to the “open window” and emerge, those feelings can persist and become true depression. So I have to be watchful and careful of my energies. It’s all physiological, I know, but manifests as physical, emotional, and spiritual.

Sometimes what I need to spur me into action is a good, grounding quote like this one. A reminder that the meaning of life is work and love. My art has replaced previous works and loves that once helped form my identity.

Remembering how happy and fulfilled I feel doing this work today — finishing a creative art piece — helps me get through the darker moments.