On Pacing Myself

I recently took a long hiatus from my work. It wasn’t by choice, per se, but it was by necessity of responsibility, and being responsible to those whom I love is certainly my choice.

In my time off I had conceived several neat but complex designs and I wanted to get started on them right away. I wanted to see them manifest and come to fruition. I wanted to showcase these beautifully conceived pieces… but they weren’t even created yet.

At first I was annoyed at not being able to drop right back in to where I had been two months ago. I am good at what I do and I felt like I should just be able to pick right up where I left off. But that was not the case for me.

And so on my first day back to work I was impatient and chastised myself for not being able to jump right back in. I was rather harsh with myself until at one point I stopped and said, “But you love you what you do! Why are you being so mean to yourself?”

I realized my impatience was merely frustration by how slowly I felt I was moving through my current and simpler projects before I could get to my more complex ones. I worked through the impatience by realizing I was pushing myself on what I was currently doing simply because I wanted to be working on the next thing, and the next thing after that, and the next-next thing after that.

Finally I reminded myself that my new ideas would get done in time, that these less complicated pieces had always been part of my plan, and that I was going at my own pace with no need to rush to “catch up” to where I was before or where other people are in their development.

More importantly, I do not regret having spent the time taking care of family and other important things during this hiatus. This is part of my life and is just as enjoyable and valuable to me as my work is. And so I told myself, “So, go at your own pace. Let life be a part of your life.”